If my current state with men, the 8 kids guy begging to see me but waiting for me to drive to Charleston, discovering my brother is going to be the same disappointment of a dad he and I both had, and seeing my SIL fall to pieces wasn’t enough. My mom in our “are you alright” email we do every Monday mentions how useless marriage would be if it weren’t for the good sex and the money…
WHAT???? I swear I could have gone my whole life without seeing those words coming from my mom. Seriously.
Today was book club and I was really looking forward to hanging out with the girls. The book choice was trash I mean it was a harlequin with black overly animated characters, total yuck. But it’s what I expect when it’s my SIL’s turn to pick the book. She asked if the book club was losing steam at the end that it was becoming a burden to her. Translation she doesn’t like the book choices we make and she wants to do the outings and read print versions of Tyler Perry movies and when that doesn’t happen she is ready to bail. Everyone voted to keep the book club going, everyone said they liked the diversity of the group and the book choices because of it, and she sat back quietly hoping her whining would cause B’s book choice to be an “easy” read. But after we trashed the book and my SIL had her chance to defend it by basically questioning if the book club should disband altogether she admitted to the girls the trouble she has been having with my brother. Now even if my brother has been sleeping somewhere else, even if they stayed up all night fighting the day before, my SIL has never let on there is trouble between her and my brother to the book club. NEVER. And it’s really odd considering it’s a group of 10 women and men and relationships do come up in conversation. Well today things are bad enough that she couldn’t keep it to herself. It seems my brother is threatening to move out (again) but what makes this time special is he appears to be moving in with the woman he is seeing and it appears my youngest nephew is aware of the other woman. She had to bring J to the meeting because she couldn’t score child care and my brother wasn’t home. When she told J she would just take him with her since his dad wasn’t home yet J asked her if his dad was with his other family. Just like that the 7-year-old asked if his dad was with his other family. Which implies he has taken J around this other woman and this other woman has children of her own. The whole scene brought tears to my eyes actually and I guess it was more than my SIL could contain because she spilled it all today. And when I said to her after 15 years I know how much she loves my brother but it’s imperative that she love herself more she burst into tears and I felt so bad for her. I am not sure how this is all going to play out for her and more importantly my nephews but it doesn’t look good.
After the long book club meeting I pulled up at V’s and parked instead of blowing the horn because she saw the child support papers in my car when I dropped Corey off and asked me about it so I wanted to talk to her about them. I have been driving around with the papers all filled out for 2 months with the directions to the office on top and I just haven’t been able to go and drop them off. So I told V what was holding me back, pure unadulterated fear. He is away, finally hubby has gone away, and the one sure thing to bring him and all the violence that comes with him back is to file for child support. And she said “Cat it doesn’t matter that Corey is 18 now and the child support income will no longer harm his funding. And it doesn’t matter that Cam is living with one income when his dad works 3 jobs and should help out. What matters most is for the past 16 years you have been providing for your children alone when hubby is legally required to help you. I understand you are afraid but he is deliberately bullying you to avoid taking care of his children, something he is legally required to do.” So V took the papers and I have no doubt she is going to take them to the office for me Monday morning first thing.
Let the drama begin…
I waved the white flag of surrender today because I am just so tired of fighting and not seeing the results. Corey’s new case manager sent me an email advising me to drop all the additional things I asked for because they had been denied. Then he told me the behavioral plan was not covered by Medicaid so if my private insurance wouldn’t cover it I would have to pay out-of-pocket. $1,500 to start…And since with or without a behavioral plan enhanced respite will be denied I figured why fight. Of course I came to this after a back and forth email tirade that ended with the case manager asking me to come in for a meeting. My blood was boiling enough that I said sure how about right now and I spoke to my manager and left on the spot. I let the new and old case manager have it, told them no matter what happens I will be looking for a new team after the plan is approved, and promptly went back to my car. I was tearing up I like to think out of frustration but also just tired…
Corey’s absolute favorite Disney movie and I have tickets to see the live show next week…Can’t wait.
Ugh yet another one of those posts that has sat in draft for awhile as I struggle not to write a garbled jumbled mess. I wanted to write about the walk for autism which was awesome. For a minute there it looked like it was going to rain and I am not a fan of walking in the rain. But it stopped right after I signed in and picked up our t-shirts, yay! Corey once again was the leader and had to come back and grab my hand several times. I could blame it on his longer stride but after 2 years of this I will just go ahead and admit Corey walks faster than I do and he is in better shape than I am. This admission probably didn’t make Corey’s life any easier since I made it after the 1st lap lol. But the event was great, Corey was in the right mood for it, mom and my SIL kept the annoying comments to a minimum, and I managed to get them to Corey’s favorite restaurant for dinner without too many complaints. I was bummed none of my other friends and relatives showed up. I was bummed that although I asked earlier and I asked more than once no one new donated or even showed interest in the event. It sort of brought me back to life before Corey when I would try to engage my friends and relatives in something I was interested in and couldn’t get anyone to care. Hey let’s…insert trip, concert, cause here and was met with a million excuses. At the time I thought well who cares I am leaving this redneck ant hill anyway. I am going back to NJ, I am going to college, I am going to work in New York, meet people who want to go places, do things, be a part of things. But it didn’t work out that way. Mom and my SIL lingered over dinner so long it became obvious neither wanted to go home. I asked mom if she wanted to stop by my place and drink some wine, watch a movie. But she couldn’t her husband would be angry/jealous. I didn’t even ask my SIL because her phone had been ringing non stop the entire time with the ongoing fight her and my brother are having. I wanted to ask why he didn’t come to the walk or at the very least dinner to celebrate his nephew’s 18th birthday but I didn’t bother. I just went home thinking not me, never again. And I get scared that feeling I have. It’s the same one I had at 18. Men are a waste of time, they bring women down, their mission in life is to get your attention and then disappoint. We could rule the world without them…18 year old Cat would have rather caught the plague than a man. It’s still hard to believe it was only a year later I got wrapped up with a man who did for all intent and purpose bring me down, working 24/7 to get my attention only to disappoint. But I did survive it. I am not sure I ever felt like our relationship was worth the trouble it caused me though. I never thought I had a day of happiness to match the days of misery. And so whenever I feel the why bother look at mom washing over me it scares the shit out of me. I am too young to feel this way right? I was too young at 18 but at 39 I am still too young to feel it right???
Still garbled and jumbled but I am tired of editing it.
Have I mentioned how much I love Jay Smooth? I will let his vid stand on it’s own since he covers how I feel about the topic perfectly. But since the annoyance of that story for me at least has been mingled with the annoyance of this story I’ll post them both. Both would have annoyed me on their own but the notion that on one hand a man shouldn’t serve any time at all for raping a 13 year old because he made a couple of movies people like. And on the other a 13 year old that raped a 72 year old is beyond rehabilitation and should spend the rest of his days in jail really boggles my mind.
Like most things with Corey the birthdays have been an exercise in trial and error. There are the first few where Corey had two birthday gatherings. The one I tried to have at places like chuckee cheese and he had a meltdown. And then the one later that evening after the drama was over at home in his pjs. There was the fun of letting him stick his fingers in his 1st cake and then the years after where I had to keep his hands away from the candles. There was his 4th birthday where I actually pulled off a party at Playzone. There was his 5th birthday when I was a human zombie and didn’t do anything until 11pm. The photo is of him after Cam’s feeding and before he and I ate ice cream and cupcakes. There were the years when Cam decided the Corey show was over and no matter what he was going to be in the photo, blow out the candle, get the 1st piece of cake, or some other indignity. The years I had his party at school and the years I didn’t take photos at all because no matter what I tried a smiling snapshot with a cake just wasn’t going to happen. Through all the birthdays and through all the trials Corey usually changed my plans instead of me changing his. And making the adjustment to his needs not always ending with a happy snapshot has been one of the hardest lessons for me to learn.
I had dinner at mom’s yesterday. She sent an email invitation to me and my SIL on Friday. She told us we didn’t need to bring anything and she asked me to make sure to bring Corey. Now in the past mom has asked me if I could use respite and leave Corey behind so everyone could eat in peace. Over the years I just stopped going to family functions because it’s not as easy as it might seem to get respite care for random things like Sunday dinner.
But now I have AFL and I don’t have the same trouble with child care and I wanted to eat my meal in peace for a change. I wanted to sit and talk to my nephews and SIL without getting up every 2 minutes to chase Corey out of mom’s bedroom or bathroom. Or to keep him from running out the door. So I sent V an email and arranged for Corey to stay with her. Mom sent me a text an hour before dinner with a list of things she needed me to bring. Then 30 minutes before dinner she sent a text asking me to pick up grandma. I was about 15 minutes late arriving and when I walked in mom’s first question was where is Corey. So I told her and she got angry and told me she had a cake and she had planned a surprise party for Corey.
Oops, surprise. Luckily it was only immediate family there and not a big deal. Mom saved the cake until Wednesday and we all moved on. After dinner we all sat around the table and talked for a bit. It’s rare for me, mom, grandma, and my SIL to all be in the same room. Me and SIL’s relationship is mostly conducted through email and me and grandma’s time is really separate from me and mom’s. So it was a nice change for all of us to hang out. Of course mom’s husband kept turning the volume up on the football game because he felt we were talking too loud. But there has to be something when it’s us.
As we were getting ready to leave Cam asked me if I could take grandma home 1st before picking Corey up. I told him I couldn’t because it was too far out of my way. But I reminded him we will have a break Monday and Tuesday night. Mom asked Cam if it was really that bad, if it was really that big of a deal picking Corey up 1st, or having more time without Corey. And Cam replied “until you live with us you can never understand what me and mom have to endure”…
I can’t make this sort of stuff up folks. LOL.
So Corey’s 18th birthday is Wednesday and mom has decided it’s her mission to throw a big birthday party for him. I have been reluctant to make firm plans because I have learned the hard way. I want Corey to enjoy his birthday and sometimes that means doing something very low key like dinner and ice cream just us. And sometimes he is up for a big to do. It’s hard to say in advance. The Walk for Autism is next Saturday and like last year we are going to participate. I figured if Corey had a good day we would all go to lunch afterwards for his birthday. I am not even sure if I am going to make it to mom’s house tomorrow. Corey has been fairly aggressive and agitated this weekend. Nothing over the top but certainly not the mood I would like for a dinner party with lots of voices and activity.
So we will see…
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