Reconciled…

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From me to Y:
Oh good I am glad she did talk to you because you are a perfect person to give her unbiased advice. I think she sees me as the I don’t give a crap girl. The nazi woman who will kick a man to the curb for breathing. I don’t know why she thinks that but I doubt she would believe the conversations you and I used to have about marriage. Maybe if she hears from someone completely outside of her experience it will help.

Y’s response:
Well, it didn’t take her long to spill her guts…although, she’s definitely omitting some details. She’s been pretty honest about most of what has happened. I just told her my story and how I had to realize it wasn’t about what others thought if we weren’t together. I had to be happy for myself and for my child. I told her I wasn’t telling her leave or stay, but understand what you accept becomes your standard. So if you accepted the cheating and everything in the beginning, that’s what it will always be. We’ll see what happens. She mentioned being afraid I’d tell you (although, clearly you already know the whole story), but she said it’s more because that’s your brother. But I did mention how you were really supportive and there for me through my break up.

My response:
When I read some of your advice in context to mine I realize I can be a bit on the nazi chick side. I don’t know how much of what you said she will take to heart but at least you are an unbiased ear.

I was on the phone with mom at lunch and inevitably the conversation turned to my brother and SIL. I mentioned to her I had reconciled a bit and decided maybe I am not the person my SIL can confide in anymore. Maybe I have hardened a bit. Let’s face it Y is married and so is mom. My SIL has been crying to me for more than 10 years over my brother.  She knows if it were me I would have left so maybe she just can’t bring it all to me again. And maybe whether I realize it or not I am not a very sympathetic ear anymore. I guess mom thought about what I said because she sent me an email a couple of hours later.

From Mom:
Most people believe you are not one to put up with much. I like to think you take the no nonsense approach to everyone because you have to deal with so much from Corey. However, I think some of it comes from the way I made you be strong when you were little. Maybe you weren’t ready to be strong then and now you can’t be anything but strong. I remember when I was going to the hospital to have (my youngest brother) and you and (my brother) cried because I was leaving. I yelled at you because I wanted you to be strong. I should have grabbed you and hugged you and told you everything would be ok and that I would be home in a few days. I expected too much of you. Perhaps now you expect a lot of others. I know you definitely expect so much of yourself. But I am not sure how much SIL will take it to heart because her problem has never been not getting advice from others that were not a part of the situation. She has told counselors, friends, etc. I think she has a problem with you because you do what she can’t and it bothers her because the two of you are friends.

Well I never said mom can’t still surprise the heck out of me…

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