Prickly…

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So it was Corey’s 1st day of summer camp I think we survived. The director called me about 20 minutes after picking him up to ask if he had his meds this morning. Never a good sign. But I assured her he did and that he was probably going to be a bit agitated and a bit aggressive because it’s his 1st day with a new routine. She didn’t call me back with issues and I am relieved to report he did seem to settle in ok.

I took mom to an auto auction on Saturday to replace her car. I was determined not to be a negative part of mom’s troubles with her car dying. Which means I was not going to be late to the auction so she could turn all her anger and frustration over needing another car on me. I was pressed and stressed with V away, Corey in tow, 2 hours of sleep, and determined not to be late to the auction. And who calls? MNG. Ahh yes MNG didn’t have the luxury of 2 hours of sleep, or an angry mom, or a missing V, and so he did have the luxury to come back with all the stuff we had debated over the past couple of weeks to once again try to press upon me just how correct he is in all things. To say Saturday just wasn’t the day for it would be an understatement. But I did survive the early morning and ill timed phone call. Mom did get a car and most importantly I was not late getting her to the auction.

I spent yesterday mowing my lawn and washing my car. I went with the big breakfast and benadryl play since it worked so well the last time I needed to get chores done outside and needed Corey out of my hair. Is it wrong to stuff my kid with pancakes and give him a benadryl with his orange juice so he can take a nap and I can mow my lawn and wash my car? Of course the bad part of this working is the 2 hours of sleep I received the night before turned into no sleep last night because Corey took a nap. But hey my yard looks good and my car is clean…

Y invited me to come down to Charleston this weekend and bring Cam because she was taking her family to The Funkfest but I knew it was not the sort of event Corey could handle and I am glad I didn’t go. It was an uncovered stadium and it poured raining. They wound up waiting 2 hours for the rain to stop. An all day event with a big crowd and loud music is one thing but sitting for 2 hours in the rain waiting is more than I could have handled.

I find I am in a very prickly mood these days feeling like plastic without any warmth. After awhile without sex I stop feeling human almost like I don’t have a pulse anymore. Sometimes when I am in a relationship I can walk around in a low state of arousal all day but when I know there is no chance of sex I turn that off like a faucet. Turning it off makes me feel cold and out of it and ill and cranky like my blood isn’t flowing and like I am not really breathing. No kisses, no hugs, no hand holding, no electricity in the air with the possibility of sex is a personal hell for me. I don’t understand how anyone could be celibate or be in a sexless relationship. My good friend from high school told me her and her husband didn’t have sex much that it had been two years since the last time. I just don’t understand that. It’s one thing not to have a choice but how does one choose to feel like this for months on end? I think I would tear my skin off or something if I was asked to lay beside someone every night and never touch them.

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