Things between MNG and I have been distant…and not like before. Before it was all me, smarting from the swift kick D gave me. I quietly placed MNG in the married guy and forget it column. I kept telling myself over and over to stop treating him like a boyfriend because he is NOT. He is a good friend who I share a rare connection with at best and a married guy who likes to have occasional sex with me whenever his yahoo personals and craigslist candidates fall through at worst. But over time as the smarting from D started to ease I began to feel like he was more in the “at best” column than in the “at worst” column. We went hiking and had a great time and I don’t know we seemed to reconnect for lack of a better term.
Now I will admit he was out of town for spring break and then only returned for a couple of days before he had to leave town again because of the death in his family. But I felt the distance before he left. I felt the distance once he realized I went to Charleston on Good Friday, that I planned a weekend in Charleston for the comedy concert, and once he realized SE was coming up to see me the following weekend. And maybe I am just full of myself, maybe I am just overstepping my importance, and MNG is just tired and jet lagged and trying to get back into the swing of things. And I genuinely hope that is the case because I am not sure how I would feel about him if it turns out he does have a problem with me meeting someone. It would seem very selfish to me if he did. So I am hoping, seriously crossing my fingers he does not. Because he is a good friend that I share a rare connection with and I honestly don’t want to lose that…
So in other news my rare accommodating nature seems to be holding with SE. After something like 4 calls on Sunday I realized the phone calls and not seeing each other isn’t going to cut it. So I asked if I could work over and shorten my lunches next week so I can leave early next Friday. I arranged childcare and I sent him an email asking what his schedule was like next weekend. He works a couple of weekends a month so I wasn’t sure if he would be off. But after I sent the email I began to regret it. I am bad that way, 2nd guessing, maybe he has plans, maybe he won’t appreciate me inviting myself down there every chance I get? But within a couple of minutes he responded with “perfect, I am off, you were reading my mind”…ok so phew, I didn’t overstep. And it looks like the come and see me once and awhile and the I will go and see you when I can manage it is going to work, at least for now.
I am having a small dinner party for my grandmother’s 75th birthday this weekend so the tight schedule looks to be the continued theme. But celebrating my grandmother’s birthday doesn’t go on the chore list it’s my pleasure to have it 
6 Comments
April 22, 2008 at 11:01 pm
Hmmm, so much to think about in this post.
Didn’t MNG know about D? And he’s a big boy, he should know things change over time, and the potential with SE is something worth changing for. Hopefully it is just all the stuff going on right now in his life. But if he decides to move on, well maybe it’s time then…
In any case, HAPPY 75th Grandma! A big achievement to be sure!
April 23, 2008 at 8:36 am
Hmmm, and there is so much to think about in your comment
Yes he found out about D, I am not very good at hiding things and maybe that is mostly because I don’t like to. But I never put D out there with him. I kept it all pretty private and that was easy to do since the relationship was hidden anyway. SE is different on many levels, he is part of my “real life”, someone who my friends and family are at least aware of. So it will be harder for me to keep him private. And frankly as he becomes more important it will become more important for me NOT to hide him. I do seem to like that whole open and honest thing after all. The idea of MNG moving on is one I don’t even want to entertain yet. Hopefully it’s just jet lag…
I am really excited about the gathering…it’s been awhile since we were all together. Grandma wasn’t there for the party mom gave for my birthday (big surprise). So I am looking forward to having everyone over and celebrating her birthday.
April 23, 2008 at 5:45 pm
Cat love. People flex and change. Your needs are changing. What you needed MNG for is partially being covered by SE. Relax your grip and see what happens next.
April 24, 2008 at 6:15 am
I think Kimba has the right idea.
April 24, 2008 at 8:35 am
Kimba-I never really think of it as an either or proposition. I honestly didn’t think I would meet someone like SE. But now that I have I haven’t changed my world view or anything. I don’t expect to ride off into the monogamy sunset with him. I know things between MNG and I will probably change but I didn’t anticipate things ending. I think it might take the pressure off some…keep me from having to remind myself over and over what his status is in my life and vice versa. But what he brings to my day to day I am not ready to give up to replace with what SE is bringing. I was hoping to enjoy both for what they are and hopefully what they become in my life and hopefully that will change and grow but not end on either count.
April 27, 2008 at 3:57 am
I don’t think it’s an either/or situation.. I just think there is some overlap now.. It’ll be what it ends up being is all I am saying. I don’t think you will ever lose MNG.. and as much as my traditional princess brain is rationalising you galloping off into the monogamy sunset.. It prolly won’t happen.
I have faith that you will find the balance that suits everyone.. naturally..