Pita…

Pita=pain in the ass=my mom Her birthday is today and I made sure to acknowledge it so she wouldn’t pout. I bought a cake, some balloons, and stopped by after work so we could sing Happy Birthday on her birthday because waiting until Saturday just wouldn’t cut it.

What comes next part 2…

I did have the chat with D before I left for Chattanooga which was nice. It’s always nice to have him recount something and know he was thinking what I was thinking at the time. Hard to explain but having someone put their hand around your throat for example and be turned on as I was by it and have him know I would be is a bit unnerving. So to have him recount it and say “it was very connecting when I put my hand around your throat” was nice. Because yes I did have that feeling of connection and relief because I did. Ugh always hard to write how I feel, what I am thinking when it’s D so moving on. I saw him online Saturday night while I was up worrying and couldn’t sleep. He asked me why I was up, asked me if Corey was giving me trouble, chatted with me and eased my mind about something that was bugging me. He does have this way of distracting me from drama or from being in my head too much. Yes he did ask me to turn on my webcam which I had not done since I bought cafe dell. Which shows it has been almost 2 years since he and I have engaged in webcam fun. And it also shows there were things I only did/do with him for better or worse.  But yesterday I noticed a huge spike in my blog stats. Someone had gone through all these old posts from ‘06. Posts that were mostly about MNG, typically angsting over sex or if we were going to have sex. I couldn’t help but wonder if it was D because he asked me about MNG when he had my phone and I was very, very vague about who he is to me. And he asked me if I was seeing anyone Saturday night. The truth is if I am asked if I am seeing anyone or asked what my status is I am not going to say I am dating MNG because I am not. We are not dating. Aside from the fact that he is married, and we fight more than we debate these days, and we haven’t gone to lunch together in ages, and we haven’t had sex in months,  and the sex we had was so random and infrequent it barely meets the requirements of an affair less say gives him the title of my boyfriend. When D contacted me and I was seeing SE I told him I was seeing someone because to me yes that was definitely a relationship. Me and MNG are friends that have had sex on occasion, who are good friends a lot of the time, and pains in the asses a lot more. But he isn’t my boyfriend. So I had this terrible urge to go back online and ask D if he had been lurking on my blog again and if I need to explain my relationship or lack of one with MNG. And then I reminded myself very sternly that he is the married guy in this situation. He is the one who broke it off with me when his wife got the tiniest inkling of me in his life. And although it is nice having that connection with him back and better still to have those darker needs of mine met D is not my boyfriend either. So if someone asks me what my status is I still say I am single because I am. Besides I have no intention of playing the don’t be jealous game. It was bad enough when I actually was someone’s wife or girlfriend damn if I am going to put up with it when I am not. Besides who knows it could have been MNG lurking through my blog.  Maybe he saw my webcam status come on for the 1st time in 2 years and thought is she dealing with that D character again? For the record yes I am in neck deep with D again fool that I am. But even calling myself the fool the entire time I still feel great about it. I still love it. And I can’t make myself regret it.

A Dozen Fives

I stole this from Trueself.

FIVE YEARS AGO, I WAS . . .
1 – dealing with Corey at 13.
2 – met Y and T.
3 – working a job I actually liked.
4 – preparing for the 1st Thanksgiving I would host instead of mom.
5 -  becoming comfortable with V being available to help me.

FIVE SNACKS I ENJOY
1 – Tostitos and salsa
2 – animal crackers
3 – crunch and munch
4 – garden salsa sunchips
5 – ruffles potato chips with french onion dip

IF I WERE A BILLIONAIRE I WOULD…
1 – pay off my mortgage
2 – set up a trust fund for the boys
3 – buy a vacation home near the ocean
4 - go back to school full time
5 – travel more

FIVE JOBS I HAVE HAD
1 - assembler
2 – deed researcher
3 – sales assistant
4 – administrative assistant
5 – project coordinator

WHAT WERE YOU DOING 10 YEARS AGO (5 things)
1 – dealing with Corey at 8
2 - working for a non profit organization and loving it
3 – spending a lot more time with the boys
4 – saving to buy a house
5 – dealing with hubby

FIVE SONGS THAT YOU KNOW THE LYRICS TO:
1 – Old Man’s Rubble by Amy Grant
2 – Don’t Speak by No Doubt
3 – Is it a Crime by Sade
4 – Best of my Love by the Eagles
5 - Why by Annie Lennox

FIVE STORIES I HAVE READ:
1 – Disappearing Acts by Terry McMillan
2 – What Looks Like Crazy on an Ordinary Day by Pearl Cleage
3 – Pavilion of Women by Pearl S. Buck
4 – The Way Forward is with a Broken Heart by Alice Walker
5 – The Other Woman by Eric Jerome Dickey

FIVE BAD HABITS:
1 – Procrastination
2 – Worrying
3 – Having sex with married men (yeah me too True)
4 – Settling
5 - Hitting the snooze button repeatedly

FIVE THINGS YOU LIKE TO DO:
1 – Driving, road trips yes, but the major source of enjoyment is the driving.
2 - Going to concerts/listening to music
3 – Reading
4 – Watching TV
5 – Shopping

FIVE THINGS YOU WOULD NEVER WEAR AGAIN
1 – this is impossible for me
2 – if I buy it I love it
3 – I am too cheap to buy something I won’t ever wear
4 -
5 -

FIVE FAVORITE MEALS
1 – Spaghetti with meatballs with garlic bread
2 – spinach and bacon panini with a cup of coffee
3 – scrambled eggs w/cheese, grits, and salmon patties
4 – fried chicken, mac and cheese, collard greens, sweet cornbread
5 – steak with mushrooms, roasted potatoes, and broccoli w/cheese

FIVE THINGS IN THE WORLD YOU WANT TO SEE BEFORE YOU DIE:
1 – Corey living independently and happy
2 – Cam all grown up and doing well
3 – Kenya (I really want to go to Africa)
4 – Genuine love and affection from a man who is available to me
5 – Universal health care in the U.S.

Opportunity Knocks…

So I admitted a couple of weeks back that I used a work profile to find D and kind of poke and nudge him into contacting me. Not really but sort of. Anyway I’ve had the profile since I started working at my current job. But I never got around to fleshing it out because I have 10 zillion profiles and I wasn’t in the mood. But when I did the poke and nudge I had a few co-workers and past colleagues link to me and I felt compelled to update my profile a bit. Then on Friday I received an email from a recruiter at Lance stating he saw my profile and thought I would be a great candidate for a position he is looking to fill. Ok I am content with my current job, where else can you walk to a cubicle on Monday and not only get ribbed about your football team losing but also check out the pics from a scene or play party your co-worker went to over the weekend? But truth be told there really isn’t anywhere for me to go from a professional stand point. In my dept they are all programmers, eggheads, and code monkeys. And although I am quite content to support them I have no desire to become a programmer, egghead, or code monkey. And my 40th birthday quickly approaches, and I have I met with a counselor at CPCC, and Corey is 18, and I have more free time, and when I finish with school I will need somewhere to go with said education. And so I sent the recruiter an email, figured what the heck. But I was on my way out on vacay and all and I will admit I didn’t think much of a random email anyway. I mean we have a 10% plus unemployment rate around here. Hello Bank of America, Wells Fargo buy out, 2nd largest banking town. It just seemed insane for a recruiter to seek me out instead of the other way around. Well he called me today said he wanted me to interview for a couple of positions he has open and I figure why not…

The highs, no lows, and the turbulence

So my trip to Chattanooga…AWESOME. I am so glad I followed through with my natural approach to free time “ROAD TRIP” and didn’t let the lameness that surrounds me keep me at home. First of all who knew there was so much to do in Chattanooga? I knew I would have a good time because T’s approach to free time is very much like mine. There is never any stress or drama when we go on vacations and this trip was no exception.  My only complaint was the 7:35 am take off time Saturday morning but I didn’t miss my flight so it’s all good.  There was a festival downtown on Saturday and I was able to enjoy college boys rowing fulfilling my teenage porn of “Oxford Blues” which I have to tell you I still watch every once in a while. So there was rowing porn, good food, a great aquarium, alcohol in the afternoon, shopping, more good food, a movie I have been wanting to see, hanging out with one of my very good friends in her space, you are a great host T btw, and just a great time from beginning to end.

And then there was the flight back. Ok so I took USair Express and I have to start by admitting me and USair Express go way back. Like 10 years old trying to find Piedmont Airline flights for $69 so I can go to N.J. for the summer back. And I know what to expect on one of the express planes. Expect small, expect to have to scrunch your feet if you bring a purse because of the lack of foot room, you know small. And all of that is typically fine. But then there was Ida the hurricane I had no awareness of because I was on vacay drinking wine at 2pm hanging out with T.  So I am in the waiting area and I see on the Today show that yes there is a hurricane and it is covering most of the southeast with rain and high winds. So the rain I woke up with I wasn’t going to fly away from. Wonderful. But after a grit my teeth, turn up my MP3 player, bless you pilot for finding the path of least turbulence, flight. I arrived back in Charlotte safe and sound. I even went and met my mom for lunch to smooth her ruffled feathers because I found a way to go out of town without her help.

Chillin…

Bye!

I am finished with work and now all I need to do is pack and prepare Cam for 4 days without me…

What comes next…

After I met D for lunch I sort of went back to the wait and see mode I had been operating under for the past six months. I haven’t written or talked about our lunch date. Partly because I don’t remember a lot of the details enough to have a gabfest with my friends and be like and then he and then I etc. It was more of a quick meltdown into the nice warm dark space of blotto that I still really haven’t found words to describe. D usually will have some sort of chat recap after we are together.  I am not sure if it’s because I am surprisingly silent and he wants to make sure he is reading my non verbal cues correctly. Or if he is well aware I am in oblivion a good bit of the time we are together and really appreciate the chance to recap. Either way I am looking forward to our recap chat and our next meeting. I am not even sure why I am certain we will have another meeting but I am fairly certain we will. Hopefully soon.

Road Trip!

Yep, yep, yep this time next week I will be in T’s neck of the woods. I am flying out early Saturday morning returning home on Tuesday. I am so ready to shake the dust of Charlotte off for a few days. I am also glad patience paid off because I wanted to take this trip at the end of the summer but childcare just wasn’t there. I told T maybe we would try in the late fall and shock and awe it worked out for a change. Yay me!

Just a few years…

From Mom…I know that (her husband) would go ape if I said yes. I know that you usually get angry when I say no but I have to live with him and I can’t deal with the drama these days. I don’t make enough money to be as independent as I use to be. I don’t keep (my nephews) overnight either. In fact, I only keep them when he is not here. Sorry! Before you know it Cameron will be old enough to leave him home alone. In just a few years things will change. Before you know it he will be gone off to school and Corey will be gone and you will have done your job as a mom.

Well Cam is 13 so in 5 years I am home free! I don’t know why I didn’t think of that before. I just need to wait 5 more years I already have 18 behind me and then I can leave solitary confinement because my job will be done. I don’t get angry because she says no I get angry because of the reasons she gives. First she couldn’t handle Corey and now it’s her husband doesn’t want her grandkids around? Not to mention I don’t know anyone with an 18 year old still chained to the house the way I am because of childcare issues. I can’t leave Corey alone at all and I can’t leave Corey to care for Cam the way I was charged to do with my brothers from 13 on. So when she says just suck it up it’s almost over I want to scream. How exactly will this be over for me? Is there going to be some miracle that swoops in from the sky that makes my job done? Someone is going to come to my house in a few years and give me my gold star and say ok Cat your job is done you are free to go.  I stopped asking her to help with Corey at least 10 years ago. And my SIL and I work full time, we don’t make the money to be jet setters, so it’s not like mom spends a lot of her free time with her children banging down her door looking for a babysitter. It’s just weird to me to have grandkids in the same city that you might see once a month for a couple of hours. Or when school is in it might be 2 or 3 months before she sees them. Since I don’t want to hear the complaints she is down to twice or maybe three times a year with Corey. Isn’t that strange? Isn’t it strange for a guy to marry someone with 3 children and 4 grandchildren and never want them around??? Or for mom to marry someone and live with someone and not be allowed to have her family around.